The Gate

I shared in ‘Someone New’ that the herd was welcoming a new member into the herd, and in ‘Someone New Part II’ I shared that it had been a difficult beginning for Silver Cloud to adjust to his new zebra herd mate.  Wondering and watching this exchange between zebra and horse brought up my own anxieties and questions about being a zebra-girl in the world; especially when it comes to forming new relationships.  The lessons from Holly around these issues are also difficult for me to clearly define, as I am well aware of the preconceptions and judgements I bring to any new encounter.  I also feel that it is important for me to work out for myself, so I keep pondering it.

I have to confess that these questions are a core issue for me.  I have spent countless hours sitting with Holly working my way through my own hesitance and fear around allowing people to get close to me and I know that I have on one or more occasion asked ‘why’ it has to be like this and ‘how’ do I change it.  The truth is, of course, that I don’t want to change it, I want to learn how to trust my instinct and keep my heart open to allow people to get close. This quote from ‘Someone New’ really sums up what I feel to be Holly’s advice:

If I were to ask Holly what she could teach me about this situation, I have a feeling she would look right at me, bat her eyelashes and say that those who don’t like my stripes are just not worth my time.  Her confidence in herself and her pride in her zebra-ness is evident.  She’s not worried about letting someone new in-she’ll decide moment by moment and trust her instinct.  She will value herself, and stay with those that she knows value her no matter how long it takes the new horse to see her as ‘Holly’ and not as a strange and frightening creature.

As I have watched this situation unfold for Holly and the herd I have seen her do exactly that.  She did not hold a grudge about the charging incident from Silver and she has not given up any part of herself to seem more horse-like. 

However, as her human caretakers it is often difficult to judge when the appropriate time to fully integrate the herd.  It is fairly obvious that Holly is probably ready, but is Silver? And what if Holly handles it differently then we are expecting? And finally, how do we keep them both safe?  Luckily for Holly and Silver and the rest of the herd, we have plenty of time to allow for them to work this out.  Which is why, almost two months after his arrival, Silver and Holly are still living separately.

That is, until Holly opened the dividing gate.

Holly’s owner had left for the feedstore, and is certain she closed and tied the gate behind her.  However, when she returned, she discovered that Holly, Silver, Thunderheart, and Spirit were all peacefully sharing the fan in the covered arena.  The space, that hours before had belonged specifically to Holly and Thunder.

Just like that, all our caution and discussion on the issue was thrown to the wind, and the herd solved the problem for themselves.  Of course, I am not certain who opened the gate.  However, Holly is known for playing with ropes and nudging at gates she would like opened so it seems fair to assume it was her plan and her accomplishment.

On it’s own, this is the happy ending to Silver meets Holly. They are now living peacefully in shared space and developing a more direct relationship.  However, for me this event took on a whole other meaning.

It seems to me, that this issue has been most prominent for Holly in recent weeks.  Her herd has changed and she’s been adjusting to that as well as taking it upon herself to work things out.  I have also been grappling with questions about my future and adjusting to the idea of making big changes.  And you see, while Holly was opening the gate, I was packing for a flight that evening to make the move back west.  I had decided to leave my beloved zebra sister and herd to take a new job and a year before graduate school.

When Holly opened that gate to a new phase for her herd, I was also opening my heart to a new phase in my own life.  While I was gathering the courage to say ‘goodbye’ to what I loved, Holly was gathering the courage to say ‘hello’.  While I was anxious that Holly would be on her own and not fully adjusted to her new herd, I felt she was saying, ‘It’s okay, we’ll be okay. I can do this and you can too.’  She took all her zebra-ness and trusted her instinct, the very thing I had been looking for as I struggled to make a decision about my plans.  On the same day, we took control of our own futures.  I answered my own questions about the future and Holly answered ours for her. 

(I am well aware of the looks I get when I tell people about my zebra sister.  But it’s moments and happenings like this that continue to make me believe that she and I are more connected than is easily understood in this world.)

What started as a lesson about letting someone new in, developed into a lesson about staying true to myself and opening the gate to my own future.  A lesson about confidence and bravery.  A teaching about being determined and patient in the face of fear.  All these traits that I have a feeling will be important as I move towards new relationships and new things.  And another powerful moment for Holly and I as we find our way through our lives.