I shared in my last post that I had made a very difficult decision recently. I decided to move back west for a year and regroup before making a graduate school decision. While this decision has many implications for change in my life, it also took me far away from my zebra sister for a very long period of time. I know and had to consider that my relationship with Holly is important in caring for her, because she is still so wild and we must keep her safe. But I also know that it was time for a change for me;to take time to decide about my life, and that Holly would understand that.
I miss her. I miss her everyday. I miss the way she walks with such determination. I miss the way she smells. I miss her smiles when I find the right place to scratch. I miss arriving places after visiting her and discovering that I am still covered in zebra hair. I miss her kisses and I miss her lessons. But I hold on to the belief that the next time I see Holly we will take a minute to come back together and we will fall back in step, zebra and girl.
But as I gaze out across the seemingly zebra-less landscape of my life at this point I am reminded of a dream I had when I first met Holly…
I was the new intern, and Holly was new to the herd. In fact, she wasn’t even living with the horses yet-she was still on her own. It was one of my first responsibilities to just sit with her. To just keep her company and see if I could get her to connect with me. At that time, I knew almost nothing about zebras and almost nothing about what the ranch did so it was really my first experience.
One afternoon, Holly’s owner and my boss, and I discussed dreams while sitting with Holly. (I shared the theory we use about dreams in ‘Stealing Stripes’). As I was departing for the day she asked me to pay attention to my dreams now that I was spending so much time at the ranch and with Holly.
Sure enough, a couple days later I had dream with Holly in it. We were in a crowded store, a Christmas store to be exact- and I still have not be able to decipher the meaning behind that part. I was sitting on the floor, and Holly was standing behind me, my shoulders pressed into her side and her head wrapped around to my chest. The voices in the store were exclaiming that I was in danger, that this should not be happening. You do not get ‘hugged’ by a zebra! But in the dream I felt completely safe, even comfortable with Holly’s hug. I didn’t know it at the time of the dream, but months later this would be a familiar position for Holly and me. One we would adopt in quiet moments together and when we would keep each other company when groups were working with the horses. It was as if the dream painted a picture of what was to come for the two of us.
What does this dream have to do with missing Holly? Mostly, it’s just a clear dream that I feel was definitely a message. It reminds me of how far Holly and I have come together; even when people said that a zebra would never bond so well with people or horses. It inspires me to wonder what the future holds, since I never expected to be hugged by a zebra. And it reminds me that even when I feel far far away, Holly may only be a dream away.
Baby Holly's Smile
