I have been pondering the idea of trust. What it looks like and what it feels like.
It's funny, the opposite of trust is mistrust. But is it really? When I think of mistrust, I don't feel it anywhere in my body. For me, it feels more like fear (always back to that). When I don't trust something I am afraid of it. I do not trust that log across the river, and I'm afraid to fall in.
I trust horses. Isn't that silly? We are separated by a language barrier and limited ways (?) to communicate. But I trust them on my own, I trust them with the kids, and I trust them about themselves.
But why?
Honesty. They are always honest. They have no capacity for lying and deceit. So, if I'm paying attention and listening the best that I can to them I have no reason for doubt.
But trust is not lazy. I trust because I'm listening and paying attention, and I never forget that they are horses and they can be strong, fast, and unpredictable. Trust is communicated.
Of course I think of Holly. She is wild at heart. I should mistrust her because of her nature. But I trust her too. I trust that she will be honest and true. I trust that she will be a wild zebra. I hope that she trusts me as well. Does she see the same honesty in me? Does she know that I am always listening to her and looking out for her? How do I communicate that trust to her? And do I communicate trust to others? Do I even trust people?
I believe that I am trusting by nature. But I do not trust blindly. I trust the good in people, but I am on guard for that danger always. However, I know that I look for dishonesty and often I believe in it's existence without any proof.
Wait...If I seem to assume dishonesty exists then am I really trusting?
If I am feeling an absence of trust in a relationship, I should be paying attention to the lack of honesty. Maybe in them. Maybe in me.
And so, this contemplation ends at this: Honesty is trust. The absence of trust, for me, is fear. Trust is not accomplished, it is communicated.
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