The Pit Bull and the Zebra, Part 2

While I can readily admit that I was unprepared to bring home my new friend, I cannot say that I expected that a Pit Bull had so much to teach a zebra.

I am a flight animal. He is a bully breed.

We are both judged for not responding appropriately in situations.  We are both expected to be ways we cannot be because it is not in us.

But unlike me, he will only get one chance. One chance.  I tease him sometimes that he should make sure he saves it for a good one. Like an ex-boyfriend or a mountain lion.

But it's not really funny when someone growls at him and he growls back.  It is then that I use all my zebra flight to get to him as quickly as possible.  He does not need to defend himself-I'm his pack leader and I'll do that.  I'll take care of everything and all he needs to do is follow me.

While I can argue my own independence, it is rare that I am in charge of anyone else's.  It could be argued that I do that with the horses but I think they are more removed from 'people' world then my dog.  And I'm never 'in charge'.  I'm much better off along for the ride...(Pun intended) After some time with me they return to their herd and their own space.

But the Pit Bull counts on me every minute of the day.  And while I do not resent it, I sometimes wonder if I am qualified to be his pack leader.  (As I write this his front nails are painted Mint because he seemed so intrigued about toe-painting time that I decided to include him...) And maybe that would be okay if he was a little dog or an old dog or a golden retriever...

This Pit Bull is the first creature to teach this zebra about taking ground.  About protecting her own.  For the first time, this zebra might be protective enough to unleash some of that lion killing aggression.  For the first time this zebra is not only a flight animal, she is a fighter.

If you would have asked me almost a year ago if I thought that having a dog would help me learn to me more of zebra I would have told you you were crazy.  I got a dog to protect the zebra! And while I have little doubt that he would if the situation called for it, it is this zebra who carries that responsibility day in and day out.

My Girl

i could feel the center of her crumbling;
that place that held warmth
and her laughter.
she no longer moved with a girlish and carefree spirit,
she clenched her teeth against the tears
and she began slipping away from me.
i could not find my girl
in the angst enveloping us now.

i have carried her so far.
through seasons,
over so much ground,
i knew how to follow where she leads
but i did not know how to carry her back to before.
so i did my best to follow.
maybe if i could hold some of the new pain,
she would stay close to me.

now the blood in me moves too quickly
and pounds in my ears.
i can hardly stand the wait for her,
but the in-between is stretching longer.
there are so many days she never comes at all
and the center of me is crumbling.
so i clench my jaw against the emptiness
and i slip away too.

Hope

How do you believe
after it all has been spent
on the hope before?

The Pit Bull, Part 1

I was prepared for questions when I fell in love with a Pit Bull.  I was prepared to explain all about MY dog. I'd done my research about breeds and dogs, but more importantly I spent time with him and the family that was giving him up.  How I considered his age: three and how that meant his personality was fully formed.  He'd been neutered on time, at six months.  How he'd been raised with a kid who he loved and owners who had taught him things the things he needed to know to live with people and then a baby.  How I watched as the kid poked him and took his toys away and how gently and attentively my dog played with him.  And how he'd lived with another dog and been a frequent visitor to parks and other dog friendly places.  And even how we had gone to the park and met lots of different dogs and how he was very well socialized and sweet and playful.  How he loves to be active but in reality he is a low energy dog who is content to be company while I study.  Those were the questions that I was prepared to answer.  Plus, I was sure that his wagging tail, big smile, and good manners would answer any that were left.

It turns out I was, in fact, very unprepared when my new best friend came home.

I did not know that I would have to take a definite stance on the 'Pit Bulls vs. Society' debate and be prepared to discuss is frequently.  And, that that stance should be that all Pit Bulls are awesome (because my uncle had a friend who had a sweet one, etc...) and people who don't know that are bad.  However, I had and continue to have a slightly different opinion.  I actually think that you have to be very careful.  People attracted to Pit Bulls are often attracted for the wrong reasons and they will buy dogs from breeders who have bred irresponsibly.  And that poor Pit Bull-as a direct result of the people in its life, may in fact fit exactly into the stereotype.  I blame people and I blame them completely.  The lives of the animals in our care is not something I take lightly, and I do not ever downplay that belief. EVER.  So, I actually do not want to discuss 'The Great Pit Bull Debate' with everyone who sees I have a Pit Bull just because you think I automatically agree with you. (Especially when I think you are a careless, irresponsible dog owner who got a Pit Bull because you think it makes you look cool.)

I was unprepared for the looks and judgement I would get from other people. Not just the surprise that a shy, blonde, graduate student has a big muscly dog; but the negative expectations.  For example, the woman who demanded my dog be on a leash at the dog park because he was dangerous. When in reality after getting to know him, people rave about how sweet and well behaved he is and he is often greeted by name.  I never expected that after being bitten on the shoulder by an off-leash lab on the on-leash walking trail, the owners would make a passive comment about how,

'He's a Pit Bull, he probably deserved it.'

And then not even apologize.  My dog was walking calmly beside me! What exactly did he do?  I was aware there was a stereotype, but I did not know how prominent or intense it was or how forcefully I would feel it.  

I definitely never expected that I would start making the decision to steer away from Pit Bulls at the dog park and other places, after multiple bad experiences.  And I'm a person who knows that it's not the breed that is the problem!  It's interesting that that very judgement that annoys and angers me when I see it directed at my dog-I actually participate in!   How do I blame people who steer their dogs and children away from my dog?  I did not know that having a dog could get so socially complicated.

I was at the dog park two days ago with my dog and his friend.  As they were running and playing, in walked a couple with two Pit Bull type dogs-one male and one female.  I did the judgement scan, and decided I would get closer to my dog and get his attention in case I wanted to move along.  (For the record, I am probably over cautious and maybe over-protective of my dog with ALL other dogs. Both for my own and other people's comfort as well my dog's safety...) The two dogs approached my dog and he greeted them politely with a wagging tail.  They all seemed fine, so I let things be.  About 15 minutes later, the male chased my dog away from the group and started to snarl and try to hump him.  I called my dog's name and ran towards them.  I heard my dog say, 'No' with a matching growl/snarl sound and an attempt to get out from under the other dog.  But the dog came at him again and then again.  Sort of without thinking, I screamed my dog's name and grabbed him as he came towards me and pushed the other dog away.  My rationale?  The best way to prevent dog aggression is to never let it happen.  This was a situation asking for trouble because the other dog was not leaving my dog alone after he had said no.  I want my dog to say 'No' and have it be heard-he should never have to get aggressive to get out of a situation.   At this point, you might wonder where the other dog's caretakers might be.  They were watching.  They did nothing.  Still holding onto my dog I asked them to call their dog away so we could go somewhere else.  This was the response:

'That's why you come to the park-to let them fight. They'll figure it out.'  

I could feel my own dander come up at his response.  He just shrugged and said,

'Some people have different opinions, I guess.' 

Oh, you bet I do!  And my opinion is that you are exactly the kind of person that should not have a Pit Bull and maybe not any dog! But my very calm response was;

'My dog has ONE SHOT, because of his breed. ONE SHOT at life. And the best way to prevent dog aggression is to never let it happen. Never let it be an option.'  

We left quickly after that, but I continue to fume about that experience.  I am not an expert on dogs, and I hardly think that I am always right.  But I am an expert on my dog and I am his human protector, and I am not about to be careless with his life. 

I was not prepared for the fact, that when I fell in love with a Pit Bull I would be 'going to bat' for him almost everyday.  I did not know that I would have to get involved in the great debate and that suddenly I would feel a responsibility to the entire breed.  Or that I would have to identify with Pit Bulls everywhere; even when I try my hardest to constantly do right for my own sweet, cuddly, 'killer' with my own decisions, and his training and manners.  I never expected that such a wonderful dog was going to need a full time defense team.

you are that day

a muddy day falls between winter and spring.
roll the windows down to breathe the sweet fresh air.
once that warm day has been felt,
been tasted;
there is no falling back into winter.
i am pulled from the past into the future.

you are that day.
that sunny, muddy, sweet, in-between day.

Horses

we are driving through tiny towns,
quietly watching Montana summer roll by.
my bare feet on the dashboard.

'you always look back at horses?'
you ask with that smile i will love.
'yeah, i do.'
not even knowing i had been.

'guess i'll get used to that.'
you say,
more to yourself than me.

Happiness

i am watching you take confident steps back towards me,
up from the banks of the frozen river.

i can feel the joy wrapping around my heart.
feel the warmth soak into our matching smiles.

but this feeling will never be mine to hold;
not matter how hard i dream.

some happiness is not meant to belong.
it can be felt just passing through.

today belongs to the land beneath our feet,
and frosty breath in the cold air.

this happiness belongs to you.
you alone and all on your own.