Trust

I have been pondering the idea of trust.  What it looks like and what it feels like.

It's funny, the opposite of trust is mistrust.  But is it really?  When I think of mistrust, I don't feel it anywhere in my body.  For me, it feels more like fear (always back to that).  When I don't trust something I am afraid of it.  I do not trust that log across the river, and I'm afraid to fall in.

I trust horses.  Isn't that silly?  We are separated by a language barrier and limited ways (?) to communicate.  But I trust them on my own, I trust them with the kids, and I trust them about themselves.

But why?

Honesty.  They are always honest.  They have no capacity for lying and deceit.  So, if I'm paying attention and listening the best that I can to them I have no reason for doubt.

But trust is not lazy.  I trust because I'm listening and paying attention, and I never forget that they are horses and they can be strong, fast, and unpredictable.  Trust is communicated.

Of course I think of Holly. She is wild at heart.  I should mistrust her because of her nature.  But I trust her too.  I trust that she will be honest and true.  I trust that she will be a wild zebra.  I hope that she trusts me as well.  Does she see the same honesty in me?  Does she know that I am always listening to her and looking out for her?  How do I communicate that trust to her?  And do I communicate trust to others? Do I even trust people?

I believe that I am trusting by nature.  But I do not trust blindly.  I trust the good in people, but I am on guard for that danger always.  However,  I know that I look for dishonesty and often I believe in it's existence without any proof.

Wait...If I seem to assume dishonesty exists then am I really trusting?

If I am feeling an absence of trust in a relationship, I should be paying attention to the lack of honesty.  Maybe in them.  Maybe in me.

And so, this contemplation ends at this:  Honesty is trust.  The absence of trust, for me, is fear.  Trust is not accomplished, it is communicated.